So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
