I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I need to calm my uterus...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
