My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
