Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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