the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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