I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize