No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
