Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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