It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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