absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Welp...herpes.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize