If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
