I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
