I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
