I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize