yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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