Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
