If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
