when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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