I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
