Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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