i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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