Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
