I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
