i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
