hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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