Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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