It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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