Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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