I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
