remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
