But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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