You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
