peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
