Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
