I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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