I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
where are my pants?
in the oven.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
