HIV tests are more positive than that guy
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
