Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
