I could make wine with my vomit
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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