The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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