that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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