Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
