Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
