He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
