normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
