I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
