know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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