This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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