May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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