if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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