I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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