Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Still dying that you shit outside
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
