Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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