Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
