Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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