i wish peter jackson would direct porn
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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