Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
