if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
NoShamevember. You game?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
