You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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