I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
