Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
