Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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