we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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