I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
