u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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