big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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